[sub]urban celebrity

I suppose as a woman I'm automatically biased about this kind of thing... but the "make it rain" epidemic that's sweeping rap culture (I dare not call it hip hop culture--that's just blasphemy) is really interesting to me.

I understand it at its very base level: Mr. New Money rapper (or baller) wants to show his @ss and let these 304s know just how much expendable income he has. So he goes to a gentleman's club (and why they call them that, in Atlanta particularly, is beyond me) and searches out the prime talent. Once he's found the shoe model that he is absolutely impressed with, he proceeds to rain on her, hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars.

Now I've heard first-hand that even if you're not the man making it rain, if you're in close proximity to said rain then you too get to enjoy the benefits of having sideline seats to the action. What brother wouldn't want to be ringside while the tightest shoe model in the building is making it pop for a Porsche drop?

But here's my conundrum. Assuming Mr. New Money didn't want to just hire a ho for the evening, he actually wanted some entertainment. By the very nature of her job, the stripper is not going to have sex with him. She probably will if she suspects she could get Mr. New money in a T-Pain type of situation. But if she's 'bout that dollar and really not trying to put up any extra work than what she's doing on stage--or in his lap, she's going to put all her money in a trash bag, dump it in the back of her Escalade and leave. And theoretically, Mr. New Money, drunk off cognac or champagne is going to leave with a hard-on and his homeboys.

But because that's not really the nature of drunk/high, money-hungry groupies, he'll find someone to pummel at the end of the evening--but not the 'bout that dollar shoe model to who he just dispensed 6 months rent. I mean, wouldn't it just be easier to just cut to the chase, and show his face in the club long enough to get ugly drunk and snatch up the first willing wannabe video vixen? For free?

I mean, I don't know. I guess because I'm a chick I don't really comprehend the notion of paying for action. But hey, I've never been Mr. New Money, so what do I know.

But I tell you what... If I were, I'd never find myself in a Kobe or Mystikal type of situation. I would know that hoes want it and I don't have to strong-arm my stylist or anal-probe a white girl in Colorado. I'd go walk through the mall and let the stream of wimmens from Bebe and MAC come to me like flies. Because I'd be the... you get it.